What to expect when calling your mother.....

This is a real phone conversation I had with my mother the other day…no jokes. And you wonder how I turned out remotely sane….really I must give all that credit to my dad.

Me: What are you doing?
Mom: I’m hiding out.
Me: What? Hiding out from what?
Mom: The neighbor lady.
Me: What…Why are you hiding out from the neighbor lady?
Mom: Cause she won’t quit cussing me out?
Me: (totally confused, not that I am not normally confused with her) Why is she cussing you out?
Mom: I don’t know she just does that.
Me: That makes no sense, she just randomly cusses you out. Are you guys arguing over something?
Mom: No she just comes out and starts cussing me.
Me: Really? I have a hard time believing that one….
Mom: No jokes, I have to be quiet now…she might see I am out again. I’m bout to go over there and blow her up.
Me: Blow her up, with what? Are you okay?
Mom: Yeah but she is bout not to be.
Me: (getting frustrated) Okay really mom whats going on, people don’t just randomly start cussing at you…what happened to start this.
Mom: No she really does that…I got to go..she is going to hear me.
Me: Who cares if she hears you….you make no sense……
The phone goes dead.
She hangs up…..
Me too frustrated to call her back…not knowing if I really care to call her back…wait 2 hours, call back…see if she has blown up the neighbor…heck maybe they are best friends now, sharing coffee on the porch…
Call back in 2 hours and its almost as if she doesn’t remember the conversation….
Me: So how are things now?
Mom: Good, what did you do today?
Me: No, how is the situation with your neighbor?
Mom: Okay.
Me: What happened?
Mom: Oh nothing.
Me: What do you mean nothing?!?
URG…..like pulling teeth….is she silly or what?!?
*I guess the neighbor lady gets drunks and my anxiety stricken mother doesn’t handle it well…..not sure the details of the situation….but every other week or so, my mom is on a mission to blow up the neighbor or move..….I hope she takes the ladder of the two.